Union and Division

In our journey toward self-realization, we often find ourselves deeply attached to our desires, ambitions, and the illusions of identity that come from the ego. We spend much of our lives chasing after a version of ourselves that is shaped by external validation or preconceived notions of success. Yet, the true path to becoming who we are meant to be requires a radical shift—

"In order to become myself I must cease to be what I always thought I wanted to be, and in order to find myself I must go out of myself, and in order to live I have to die." —Thomas Merton

This paradox challenges us to step away from the self-centered pursuits that confine us and embrace the act of self-emptying. Only by shedding the layers of ego and desire can we discover our true selves. It is a painful but necessary process to let go of what we think we are supposed to be in order to uncover the deeper, truer essence of who we really are (Matthew 16:25).

"Reality is to be sought not in division but in unity, for we are 'members one of another.'" —Thomas Merton

The path to true selfhood and authenticity is not found in isolation or separation but in unity with others. This teaching calls us to understand that the fullness of life and truth is found in our interconnection with others. We cannot become real by isolating ourselves and erecting walls of comparison or competition. Division creates false distinctions, where we begin to believe in a hierarchy of worth, measuring ourselves against others in ways that diminish the humanity of both ourselves and those we deem inferior. Yet, true reality is found in shared existence, where the barriers between us are dissolved, and we come to understand that we are not separate, isolated individuals but part of a vast, interconnected whole (Romans 12:5).

"The man who lives in division is not a person but only an 'individual.'"
—Thomas Merton

When we live in division, we are trapped in the illusion of individuality. This division creates a false sense of self that is defined not by wholeness or connectedness but by contrast—by what we have that others do not, by what we are that others are not. It is a life of comparison, competition, and a constant measuring of who is more, who is less. This pursuit of distinction ultimately leads us to lose touch with our true selves. Instead of finding our identity in relationship, we define it by what sets us apart, creating a prison of isolation and disconnection from others and from our deeper nature (1 Corinthians 12:12-14).

"I have what you have not. I am what you are not. I have taken what you have failed to take and I have seized what you could never get. Therefore you suffer and I am happy, you are despised and I am praised, you die and I live; you are nothing and I am something, and I am all the more something because you are nothing." —Thomas Merton

The yearning for superiority only perpetuates a cycle of suffering (Luke 18:9-14). When we seek to find our worth by elevating ourselves over others, we engage in a destructive process that undermines our own humanity. This pursuit may give a fleeting sense of satisfaction, but it only leads to deeper dissatisfaction, because no matter how high we climb, there is always someone else above us, and the cycle of comparison never ends. This way of being is a path that leads to loneliness, alienation, and, ultimately, death. True life is found in unity, where we see ourselves as part of a larger community, bound together by love and mutual respect (James 4:1-3).

"The man who lives in division is living in death." —Thomas Merton

"I must look for my identity, somehow, not only in God but in other men."
—Thomas Merton

Authentic life cannot be experienced in isolation or in comparison to others. The fullness of who we are can only be realized in the context of community—both with God and with humanity. The quest for self-identity that excludes others is an empty one. It leads us to disconnect from the very source of life, which is found in our relationships. When we recognize that our identity is inseparable from those around us, we begin to experience a deeper, more profound sense of self. We are not meant to exist in isolation but in relationship, in interbeing, where our lives are intertwined with the lives of others, and our sense of self expands to embrace the whole (Matthew 25:40).

"This sickness is most dangerous when it succeeds in looking like humility."
—Thomas Merton

But in our spiritual journey, we must be cautious of a subtle and insidious trap—spiritual pride. It is easy to believe that our spiritual practices, our achievements, and our sacrifices have made us superior, that we are somehow more holy or more deserving of God’s favor. We wear this sense of righteousness like a cloak, fooling ourselves and others into thinking that we are humble, when in reality, we are consumed with pride. This false humility is perhaps the most dangerous form of pride because it deceives us into thinking we are walking the path of virtue when we are, in fact, still deeply attached to the ego (Matthew 23:12).

"The pleasure that is in his heart when he does difficult things and succeeds in doing them well, tells him secretly: 'I am a saint.'" —Thomas Merton

When we do something good, whether it is a great spiritual feat or an act of kindness, there is a temptation to claim it as our own. This feeling of self-satisfaction can become intoxicating, making us believe that we have achieved something purely through our own strength. But this pride corrupts the very virtue we seek to cultivate. Instead of acknowledging that all good things come from God, we begin to take credit for them ourselves, forgetting that it is God's grace, not our own efforts, that enables us to do good (Luke 18:11-14).

"The sweet warmth of pleasure becomes the criterion of all his works."
—Thomas Merton

The pleasure of success in spiritual practices—whether it is fasting, prayer, or acts of charity—can become the driving force behind our actions. What once began as an offering to God can transform into a means of self-promotion. We begin to seek the approval of others, thinking that the recognition we receive is a sign of God’s favor. But this is a dangerous delusion, because true spiritual practice is not about pleasing ourselves or others; it is about offering our hearts and actions to God, seeking only God’s glory, not our own (Matthew 6:1-4).

As our pride grows, we become more stubborn and resistant to correction or guidance. This self-satisfaction can lead us to reject advice, to resist being corrected, or to assume that we are beyond reproach. We become so entrenched in our own sense of spiritual superiority that we are blind to our faults. In the name of God, we may harm others, distort the message of love, and create division, thinking that we are advancing the kingdom of God. But in reality, we are advancing only our own ego (2 Corinthians 10:18).

"It is a terrible thing when such a one gets the idea he is a prophet or a messenger of God or a man with a mission to reform the world…. He is capable of destroying religion and making the name of God odious to men."
—Thomas Merton

Spiritual pride can lead us to believe that we are divinely appointed to reform the world or to be a messenger of God. This illusion of being a prophet or a chosen one can lead to a destructive form of self-righteousness. We become convinced that we are the only ones who understand God’s will and that anyone who opposes us is opposing God. This arrogance causes division, creates suffering, and misrepresents God’s love to the world (Matthew 7:15-20).

True spiritual growth requires humility—the willingness to recognize that our actions are not for self-promotion but for the glory of God. We must guard against the temptation to take ownership of our good works and to let our satisfaction with ourselves drive us further away from God’s true purpose. Only through humility, openness to correction, and a continual surrender to God’s will can we grow in true holiness and avoid the deadly snare of spiritual pride (Philippians 2:3-4).